sophalicious

A decidedly tricky topic to cover, March is the month of awareness for self harm. A month that calls for breaking down stereotypes and challenging stigma surrounding self harm. A month that calls for rallying support to those who we may know who may be struggling with self harm.
It is an addiction in its own right, one that affects 30% of teenage girls and 10% of teenage boys. A statistic that is rapidly climbing. 17% of people will suffer from self harm in their lifetime, with the average first incident beginning at the age of 13.

It is becoming apparent that we have become grossly desensitised to the topic. Perhaps I have spent too much time online for this to be so apparent to me, or maybe the topic is simply so personal to me. However, regardless of why this may be a glaring realisation, it does not change the fact that we do not take self harm as seriously as we should.
When I was growing up, the general attitude was “horizontal for attention, diagonal for results”. Kids in my school who would have apparent self harm marks on their arms were immediately ridiculed for the way in which they did it, which truly only adds to the problem as opposed to showing any level of concern. To cut yourself was immediately associated with being “emo” or a freak of sorts.
This, to me, only demonstrates why a topic as serious as this requires a month of recognition and awareness. We, as a society, have become numb.

No one ever thought to ask – why do people self harm? Why do my peers feel the need to do this to themselves?
Self harm is a form of expression. It is a way of coping with emotional distress or expressing emotional distress. It can often be viewed as a cry for help. In fact, I could almost confidently say that it mainly serves as a cry for help, above all else.
No one ever thought to ask themselves why someone would display visible scars. Or, if the thought were to occur, the general consensus would be that they’re an attention seeker and it wouldn’t be given a second thought. The thing is, this would be right. People who do self harm are looking for attention, but not in the way it was always assumed to be.
It is not an inherently bad thing to want someone to notice that you are drowning. And that is partially what self harm serves as – a way to show people that you are drowning. And for too long, this has been shamed or ridiculed.
When it is known that a person can be self harming as a form of self punishment, why would we deem it acceptable to shame them further? Why would we find it acceptable to mock them, as though we can ever grasp what they may be going through?

I suppose this is why we have a month of awareness – to try and disconnect this way of thinking and the negative connotations surrounding self harm. Truly, if we are able to adjust the mindset, we may be able to provide the support and care that people need when they find themselves feeling this low.
And to change the mindset fully, we also have to be able to understand self harm in its entirety.

Cutting oneself is not the only method of self harm that there is. By definition, self harm is to deliberately cause harm or damage to your body. This can be as simple as flicking an elastic band against your wrist or tearing the skin off your thumbs until they bleed. It can be drinking yourself into a hole or smoking cigarettes until your throat hurts. It can be ripping your hair out or biting the skin off your lips until they bleed. All with the intention of feeling the pain that comes with it, or with the intent of damaging your body.
Society as a whole mocks the act of cutting because it is the more extreme forms of self harm. What we don’t realise is that there are a lot of small ways that a person can be harming themselves for the exact same reasons as those who cut themselves.
Let’s be empathetic and think about how hard it must be for someone to feel so low that the method that they choose to punish themselves is on an extremity such as that. Let’s remember that the demographic that I’ve often seen grown adults mocking is consistent of teenagers who have such big feelings and no real maturity to yet understand them the way we are capable of.

When we sit with this, that is where awareness can begin. As it is easy to disconnect ourselves from the children who feel as though they have to do this to themselves. Self harm is not nearly as prevalent amongst adults, and we are lucky to be able to say so. We are lucky that as adults, we have easier access to helpful resources and coping skills. We have emotional and intellectual growth to make sense of the big feelings we feel.
The teenagers that dominate the statistics surrounding self harm are not nearly as lucky. And if we are stuck in a mindset of shame and mockery, who will be there to provide them the access to the support we have? Who will hold their hands through it all? With the way we are currently going, it will not be us.

Perhaps you are reading this and wondering how this may at all aid into the intention of spreading awareness, breaking stigma and offering support to those who need it.
I do not believe it entirely beneficial to be so rigid as to rattle off statistics and cliche statements such as “you’re not alone”, as I have been there myself. I know how grating it can be to the ears to hear or read that I am not alone when it is all I have felt. When all that surrounds me is a mockery of the experience I am having. To truly be aware, we have to tackle the faults. We have to be willing to face the somehow controversial idea that making fun of people for hurting themselves is not at all beneficial. It can be affecting our closest friends, our relatives, our partners, and how will they ever feel as though they can seek support or help if we are making them feel inherently worse for the way in which they chose to cope?

At the end of the day, we all know what self harming is. We know a very common way in which this can appear. We are aware that it happens and that it affects the younger generation. I suppose the question is, do we care enough to change the attitude we hold towards it? Do we care enough to try and make the difference, for the sake of the future generation?
I know I do.

If you are Irish based, such as myself, Pieta House can be of tremendous support for those battling with suicidal thoughts or self harm. Citizens information has a range of resources, even for those who may be bereaved as a result of suicide. Tusla can also be helpful, especially for family and child support on the matter. I recommend looking into these resources if you believe they may be of benefit to you.
If you are someone who may be struggling, I see you. There is support and love all around you.