sophalicious

A term I believe most of us to be familiar with. If you exhibit characteristics of confidence, competence and optimism (without truly feeling this way) you will eventually realise these traits in your day to day life.
I have spent the majority of my life faking optimism and confidence that I do not have. But does it work? It has been written about and touched on since 1922, and although there have been some psychological studies conducted regarding the same, a lot of what I write about will be solely based in my own personal experiences.
Obligatory mention that I am no expert in the topic by any means, but a personal touch can go a long way.

I have found that faking optimism does go a long way. It does bring a bit of light into the otherwise bleakness of my days. If you are a believer of manifestation, you can look at it under the same scope. If you tell yourself you’re going to have a good day, a good day will come.
It is not foolproof, though. To act as though the day will be met with sunshine and rainbows. That the optimism you fake will eventually build itself into reality and into the way you feel. Unfortunately, the world keeps turning and time keeps moving and we can never predict what will come around the corner.
I have often found myself wondering if manifestation works in reverse for me – if I write the day off as a bad one, maybe then it will be a good day for me.
The simple fact of the matter is life is unpredictable, in the regard of happiness. Faking it does not always build itself into reality. Although it does prove itself to be quite the helpful mindset, it is just not always practical.

So at this point you may be wondering, if faking it doesn’t make it, what does?
In the sole aspect of optimism, I have found you have to seek it. We have become all too familiar with doomscrolling on every social media platform we may frequent, and we are in turn setting ourselves up to be knocked down. How can one be expected to maintain joy if everything around them is screaming at them to be miserable and afraid instead?
In the digital age we have crafted ourselves into, we have to be cautious of the media we decide to consume. So, on the days where solely faking optimism fails me, I choose to consume the media that makes me happy. I look at videos of rabbits on my phone. I watch stupid clips that make me laugh. I read stories about how two internet strangers got married or engaged and find myself feeling the joy they feel through the stories they have chosen to share.
Because how can I remain optimistic if the only media I’m tuned into is the political downfall we currently find ourselves in?
I am not suggesting to remove yourself from political awareness, but simply to limit the amount of political content you consume to keep your mental well-being in check.

It does not work for everyone, by any means. Maybe you are reading this thinking “consuming politically fuelled content is actually one of the things that bring me joy,” in which case, carry on. I am not inside the heads of my readers, and so you have to be in tune with yourself enough to know what is going to bring you down and what is going to build you up.
It doesn’t just apply to social media, either. It is so easy for social media to affect our mood, but what about the things we do when we are lacking in optimism? Where you cannot fake it, you can make it. You can fill your lonely days with things that you enjoy, hobbies that maybe you have neglected, shows you keep saying you want to watch but never do. If you are anything like me, you may spend your sadder days lying in bed with sad music playing or sad videos playing, but will doing that somehow improve the mood you find yourself in?
You can argue that maybe the advice I’m giving is the ‘faking it’ aspect of the phrase, but I would argue against that. ‘Faking it’ is to adopt the mindset of an optimist until it eventually becomes your own. What I am suggesting is to merely give that optimistic mindset a helping hand, and to become a little proactive in the process.

That being said, confidence is a harder one for me to touch on. I have struggled with my confidence for a long time. Confidence and I have always had a very rocky relationship.
Faking confidence has often led me to feeling more confident, whether it be in the way I look or the things I do. Admittedly, it has failed me often, but I can safely say it does work.
But you may be wondering, what do I do if it doesn’t work?

Unfortunately, this is harder to answer. It is harder to talk about and somewhat harder to advise on from a personal standpoint, given that I am still learning myself.
Sometimes, it can help to realise that you are not the only one who might be lacking security in themselves. I went swimming and wore a bikini for the first time in years, and I spent a portion of that time worrying about my weight and my body and the lack of confidence was evident to anyone who had functional vision. However, my confidence slowly improved when I realised I could not, realistically, be the only one who felt that way. To assume everyone is entirely secure in their appearance would be a vastly incorrect assumption. Everyone has something they are insecure about, regardless of how apparent it may be.
And the fact I could not point out a single person in that pool who felt that same uncomfortable, self-conscious feeling I was feeling allowed me to breathe easier. Because if I couldn’t see it on anyone else, nor could I point out any reason why anyone there would have to feel insecure about themselves, how could they think it about me? And realistically, how much attention are we paying to strangers in a hotel pool? It allowed me to give myself a break and to simply enjoy myself (which I must say, I did). The confidence came with this realisation, that no one is actually even looking at me at all, and I could breathe a lot easier knowing this.

So maybe, the best thing to do when you are lacking in confidence that you cannot fake, is to simply remind yourself how small you are in the eyes of the public. As ridiculous at this may sound, sometimes the greatest confidence boost is knowing no one can actually see that you are lacking confidence at all.
However, if you’re like me, you may find yourself lacking in confidence from the comfort of your own bedroom. Insecurities unfortunately follow us wherever we go, and we can’t just turn them off when we have the comfort of knowing we are alone. And now you may be asking “Sophie, what do you do to feel more confident when you’re alone?”
Good question.

When I cannot fake it via positive affirmations or simply just pretending that I have it, I talk about it. As a fan of vulnerability, I find it to be the most liberating when I talk out why I am lacking in the confidence in the areas I do. Even touching on my insecurities surrounding weight and my body within this writing provides that same, somewhat comforting, feeling. Sometimes it can even help me realise that my lack of confidence is completely unfounded, which in turn provides me an actual reason to feel confident in myself.
Having an actual reason to feel confident, other than the practice of gaslighting yourself into feeling it, is a lot better.
But not everyone is like me, and so talking about it may not be beneficial or within your interest to do. So, if your lack of confidence surrounds similar issues such as mine, I will raise you the saying – “look good, feel good.” This is one I believe to be the most beneficial. You will never feel confident in a dress you hate, or a skirt that feels uncomfortable or even a shirt that feels too tight. So, wear what you feel good in. Do makeup just to do it or do something different with your hair just because you feel like it. I personally got tattoos and piercings, which made me feel ten times better about myself than I did prior to having them.

At the end of the day, faking it can only take us so far, especially in regard to our confidence. And a lacking of confidence isn’t always surrounding appearance, it can be anything at all. And in all regards, whether it be confidence or optimism, doing what makes us happy and what makes us feel good will aid us into truly feeling confident and optimistic. It is all a learning curve, and you may discover something I haven’t tapped into within this post that boosts you in all aspects.
I urge anyone reading to not mark themselves and their coping mechanisms against me and my own. What works for me isn’t guaranteed to work for you. So long as you find something that does work for you.